The thought came to me yesterday as I sat in the auditorium, puzzling out a math problem. The same thought stuck with me throughout the rest of the day. At first it was slightly depressing, but now I see it almost as a gift. Essentially it comes down to this: there is so much that we don’t know.

It seems overly simple - and maybe it is - but yet I began to look at it from several different perspectives. First, as an individual, it can be a bit overwhelming to consider how little we truly know when compared to the infinite amount of information and knowledge that exists in the universe. During my school days in my previous life on Earth, throughout my training for this mission, then the extensive education I’ve received aboard Galahad…it seems like I’ve learned so much. But really, we can never even scratch the surface.

Then I realized that it’s not even about the total amount of information that we store; it’s more about the hunger to learn, and how well we apply what we do learn.

The interesting thing is, as I thought about this I also began to understand that this applies to all of us, as a community or a species. There’s an unspoken collective agreement within a community of people that we will each contribute our knowledge to make life better for all of us as a whole. We’re specialists, in a way, each agreeing to supply the know-how for particular tasks.

With that in mind, I also realized that the most successful civilizations likely have this same collective hunger to learn. Species that thrive on growing and learning are probably the ones that move forward. In the early days of space flight, there were some who questioned our path to the stars, while others rolled up their sleeves and pushed the boundaries of science ever outward. The work from these champions of knowledge benefited all in some form or another, and yet theirs was a thankless job. Somehow I think they were okay with that; their reward didn’t come in the form of verbal appreciation from others, but rather in the satisfaction they felt.

There is so much we don’t know. As individuals we are challenged to peck away, to continue to learn, which in turn helps us to grow. As a community we are rewarded with results from our collective education. My frame of mind has switched from being depressed, to being thrilled to know that this challenge exists. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

(Okay, Galahad fans, what do you think? Have you ever looked at your education as a gift, regardless of your age or place in life? Do you agree with Triana about a civilization’s collective desire to learn? Could it be one of the reasons why some civilizations moved forward while others disappeared? Where do you see that collective desire today? If you’d like to share your thoughts, please feel free to post them here. And be sure to tell your friends about Club Galahad!)

It seems that I often hear people talking about their comfort zone, and it usually involves a comment about trying to get “outside” of that zone. Like most people, I think I automatically bought into the idea that we should always attempt to do this, because it somehow would either bring us new insight, or simply break us out of our rut.

Yet I recall an interesting talk with Dr. Armistead one evening during our Galahad training. As the team psychologist, she loved discussing these kinds of things. While it might have been her job to pull thoughts and comments out of me, I treasured the times she would quietly share her own observations and philosophies.

It had been a long day of training, and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the process. When I muttered something to her about needing to break out of my comfort zone, I remember that  she smiled and said, “Not necessarily.” Although I can’t recall every word verbatim, she essentially said:

“It depends. It’s true that stepping outside the boundaries of the familiar can sometimes open up new ideas and expose us to new ways of viewing things. But, remember that our comfort zone serves a purpose, too. It provides us with a connection to our strengths, a lifeline of sorts from which we can explore. Sometimes it’s not about stepping OUT of that zone, but rather finding ways of using those strengths in new ways.”

I know that during our journey I’ve faced decisions where I could either try something completely unfamiliar, or I could rely upon the areas where I’m most confident. We all come to those crossroads from time to time, and I think it’s important that we evaluate each situation individually. I want to grow and develop, naturally; but I also want to remain tethered to my core strength, and not simply abandon that for the sake of artificially exploring new pathways.

As is true with so many things in our lives, the key is balance.

(What do you say, Galahad fans? Do you find yourself NEVER taking risks? Never stepping outside your own personal comfort zone? Or do you find yourself doing that so often that you begin to lose touch with your core strengths? Is it maybe a lack of personal confidence in those strengths that causes you to continually search for something different? What ARE your core strengths? Triana shares her thoughts with you, and you’re invited to do the same. Just post your comments here on Triana’s Journal, and feel free to share this site - and Triana’s thoughts - with friends and family members.)

Often I’ll hear someone say, “It’s not good to judge other people.” I know they mean well, and on the surface it sounds very noble. And yet my dad - one of the friendliest, most kind-hearted gentlemen you’d ever meet - taught me the exact opposite. Although it might sound backwards, it continues to help me to this day.

Dad understood that there’s a huge distinction between judging a person by their appearance or  background, and judging a person by their actions and intentions. There are so many people that we come into contact with, and it’s important that we judge their actions in order to make healthy decisions for ourselves.

For instance, when choosing the type of people we want as friends, or the type of people we hang around with, dad was convinced that we should make sound judgments based on their character. These decisions rarely can be made quickly, but given enough time and enough exposure we’re able to evaluate whether or not we want to associate with certain people. If I know someone is into abusing drugs and alcohol, or is into criminal behavior, I’m wise enough to choose not to participate with them. In that case, I have judged them based on their actions, not on something shallow and superficial.

We all make judgments every day, and that can be a good thing. It can keep us out of trouble or danger. It can help us make wise choices, rather than blindly stumbling along because we’re afraid to make a judgment call, or we’re afraid of not fitting in. As dad said, if you’re going to judge someone by their actions, be sure to hold yourself up to those same high standards.

(So what do you say, Galahad fans? Do you understand what Triana’s dad was teaching her? Can you see the difference between someone who is shallow enough to judge a person by their looks, and a person who judges people by their character? Do you agree that this is a good thing? Have you had an experience where making that judgment saved you from terrible consequences? Are you honest enough to hold yourself to the same standards you expect from others? Here’s is your chance to voice your opinions! Your comments on Triana’s Journal are always appreciated!)

I have always been very competitive, which surprises people who don’t know me well. Because I tend to be quiet and reserved, it’s often assumed that I’m either meek or a push-over. I’m not.

My dad taught me that people are competitive in different ways, but yet many times we only recognize the same competitive trait in others that we share. Athletes resonate with other athletes, successful business leaders are in tune with others in that arena, and artists are quick to appreciate the same competitive spirit in fellow artists.

When we understand that different incentives motivate different people, we’re able to get outside our little bubble and truly see people from a new perspective. While I might want to dominate on the soccer field, someone else might want to be the greatest guitar player ever. Different goals, similar competitive spirit.

However, I’ve learned that it’s possible to be too competitive. There have been times when circumstances have prevented me from accomplishing something, and yet my competitive drive wouldn’t let up; the result was often despair and self-doubt, which is destructive. I’m learning to maintain a powerful competitive spirit, but one that is mature enough to recognize limitations, to recognize obstacles that are out of my control.

Taken together, the drive and the maturity will give me a healthy balance between success and serenity.

(Okay, Galahad fans, what do you think? Have you noticed that your competitive drive is stronger in a particular aspect of your life? Is it different from some of your friends, or family members? And what about Triana’s thoughts on being too competitive? Do you agree that without a mature recognition of your own limitations you might easily find yourself too critical of yourself? Where does that healthy balance lie? Be sure to post your thoughts here, and then share  a link to this site with your friends!)

I had breakfast with Lita this morning, and while we were talking I realized one of the key reasons I value our friendship: It’s not one-sided.

When I was in 6th grade I didn’t have a large circle of friends, but there was one girl in particular that I spent a pretty fair amount of time with. I considered her a good friend at one point, but found that she took advantage of that friendship. Everything we did was what she wanted to do, we only got together when it worked for her, and somehow we only talked about her problems and issues. If I ever spoke up with a problem that I had, she would wave it off like it was not important, and then immediately turn the discussion back to her agenda.

It was important to me to be a good friend, and so I went awhile without really understanding that our friendship was completely one-sided. I would give and give, and yet never receive anything in return. It was a great arrangement for her, but not so good for me. I began to cut back on my time with her, and we eventually went our separate ways. I’ve often wondered why I didn’t try bringing it to her attention, but I probably felt that she would have ignored my observation.

Lita, on the other hand, is always so open and generous with her time, and she always is there to listen when I need that. I want to make a conscious effort to return the same to her; after having been on the giving end of a one-sided friendship I would never want to do that to someone else.

We’re fairly selfish creatures by nature, always trying to look out for ourselves. The truly wonderful people, like Lita, make it a point to look out for others, too. She’s a great role model in that respect, and somebody that I admire so much. I’m lucky to have her as a friend, and I’m going to make sure that I hold up my end of that relationship.

(So, Galahad fans, what do you think? Have you been in a one-sided friendship? Are you able to honestly evaluate the friendships you have now, and see if you’re holding up your end of the bargain? Remember, this is your forum, a chance for you to chat about Triana’s observations. You’re invited to post your thoughts about one-sided friendships. And thanks, as always, for visiting Club Galahad!)

During our training for this mission, we had plenty of official meetings and classes, and the work was pretty intense. But there were times when small groups of us would meet with Dr. Zimmer, and he’d simply talk to us about…well, about life, I guess.

He never meant the meetings to be heavy, and in fact I remember lots of laughter as we sat around in the park, or in the campus dining hall, or wherever. Yet I usually picked up something that helped me personally.

Something stands out from one of our last meetings. We’d had a good talk as a group, with most people chiming in to add their own thoughts, and things were about to wrap up. Then Dr. Zimmer began to quietly talk about what made us different, what made us stand out from the other applicants for Galahad. Of course, all of us fell silent as he spoke.

He talked about the choices that we all have to make in life. Not specific choices, but more about how we, as individuals, go about choosing our paths. What struck me the most was how he talked about choosing between the easy path, and the more challenging one. He felt that each of us on Galahad were the type to consistently avoid the easy out; he was convinced that we were successful because we pushed ourselves to excel, to explore the more challenging routes in life.

As I look back on all of the choices I’ve made in my life, I can’t help but think that he’s right. Taking the easy way out would probably have shaped my life in ways I wouldn’t recognize now. It’s confidence, Dr. Zimmer said, that gives us the belief that we can overcome the difficult tasks. And, the more we challenge ourselves, the more we see the personal rewards that result.

I understand well enough to know that it doesn’t mean choosing impossible goals; it means having the faith in myself to give just a little more, to reach a little higher, and to pull myself up to new heights each time. Nothing beats that feeling.

(So, Galahad fans, what do you think? Would Triana have been the Council Leader on this mission if she’d always found an easy out in her life? Have you found yourself faced with those same choices? How did you react? What did you learn? What do you think you gain from challenging yourself, versus taking the easy way out? Your comments, as always, are welcome here at Club Galahad! And be sure to share this site with all of your friends!)

Experts tell us that sleep is crucial for many reasons that we know (rest, recuperation, memory function), and likely crucial for reasons that we still don’t quite understand (how the mind works, cell regeneration, etc). Even though I know how important sleep is, I still often find myself unable to drift off because of one very frustrating reason: I can’t shut off my mind.

I’ve had the problem off and on since dad first became sick, and it pops up a lot now that we’re off on the mission. Both Dr. Zimmer and Dr. Armistead talked with me about it, and they both offered suggestions. For that matter, the ship’s data banks are stuffed with articles and information that’s supposed to help.

I can’t help but think that my brain fights off these techniques for a reason. I’ve tried everything from meditation at night, to altering my diet, to altering my exercise patterns, to journaling (like this), and many more. Sometimes I wonder if my mind resists these ‘cures’ because it feels so strongly that I need to process the jumble of ideas and concerns that swirl around in there.

I used to look at my ‘monkey mind’ as a curse, something that led to precious little sleep on certain nights. And yet, there’s a part of me that hopes I never lose that concentration, that focus. Yes, I often envy people who easily get their eight hours every night, but perhaps that’s just not me. I know that I’ve done some of my best thinking while lying there, staring into the darkness, with the chaos of the previous day behind me and a fresh slate for the future waiting to be filled. That monkey mind is definitely a hard worker, although a bit demanding.

As always, I recognize that it will all come down to balance. Perhaps someday someone will read these words and understand exactly what I’m talking about. My guess is that I’m merely a member of a vast club of Monkey Minders out there. Here’s hoping that we get our sleep, AND work out our problems.

I was finishing up a paper for school today, sitting near the back of the auditorium. I struck up a conversation with Angelina and she said something that stayed with me. Now, as I think more about it, I realize how important it is. In fact, I might post something to the crew later, just to give them something to think about.

Angelina was talking about another school project, a history report, and said “I wish I had more time to read about that, because it seems pretty interesting.” Then, a few minutes later, she was talking about the upcoming soccer tournament and said “I wish I had practiced harder when I played back on Earth.”

Two completely different thoughts, but both of them involving a wish. As I walked back to my room it dawned on me that most of us fall into that trap. We too often choose to wish for something, rather than put in the work necessary to create it.

I don’t live Angelina’s life, but I’m pretty sure that if she really wanted to learn more about something, she would make the time, perhaps by cutting back a little bit of time on other activities. Or, if she really wanted to step up her soccer game, she could skip a few chat sessions in the Dining Hall each night and work a little harder on the practice field.

I’m going to make a conscious effort to see how often I wish for something, and follow that up with an honest evaluation: Is it really something that can only be wished for, or is it something that is within my control? Wishing, without any action, seems to be about surrendering personal responsibility; that’s something I would never wish for.

(Okay, Galahad fans, what do you think? Are you the type to simply wish for things, or do you agree with Triana that perhaps there’s more within your control than you think? Have you caught yourself taking the easy way out by hoping that something would work out, rather than making it work out?  Click on the Comments button below and share your thoughts.)

We learned a lot during our training for this mission. Much of it had to do with science, mathematics, and other subjects to help us with our day-to-day responsibilities of running the ship.

But we also learned quite a bit about what makes us tick. I know that Dr. Armistead did all that she could in such a short time, but there’s still so much more to understand about ourselves. Lately I’ve wondered about the simple - but also complex - idea of human contact.

No matter how isolated we sometimes try to be, I believe that we all crave human touch. We might even physically need it. I remember how good it felt when my dad would give me a hug. Or even the simple joy of getting a massage. I once had my hair shampooed before the stylist cut it, and that sensation was heaven.

Channy told me that she would often go with her mom and sister to get manicures, and she said it wasn’t the finished nails that she loved the most; it was the way it felt while it was happening.

I’ve been lonely on this trip, and sometimes a sadness comes over me that I can’t describe. Yes, I know that I’m missing my dad; but I now wonder if it’s also the loss of contact that I miss. We are, after all, social creatures; is this why the simple contact with Bon sent such a shiver through me? Am I starved for human touch?

I could bring this up with Channy, and I know exactly what she would say: “How about Hug Day on the ship?”

And you know, she might be right.

(Okay, Galahad fans, what do you think about that? Do you believe that our moods and attitudes can be affected by human touch? Do you think Triana’s role as Council Leader isolates her more than the other crew members? Be sure to post your own thoughts on this, and make a note to come back and visit Triana’s Journal again soon!)

Over the past two years my dreams have become more and more vivid. Often the dreams are of dad, which make me happy, because in a way they give me a chance to stay connected with him. Some of those dreams are based strongly on pure memories of him, while others are very unfamiliar and slightly bizarre.

I’ve tried to do some reading about dreams, and I find it all quite fascinating. Although we might never really know for sure how they work, or what they mean, there are several theories that make sense to me. In particular, I like the idea that the brain uses dreams to process much of the information that it stores throughout the day.

After thinking about it, I’ve decided that what I’m doing right now is pretty much what my brain is doing at night: journaling.

My daily journal is a record of my conscious thoughts from the day, and while many of them involve memories, sometimes I’ll read an older journal entry and think, ‘Wow, where did that come from?’

Likewise, my dreams, I believe, are a record of my unconscious thoughts. Sometimes I understand exactly what my dream is trying to tell me - or can at least figure it out after some reflection - while other dreams are too difficult for my conscious mind to understand. I trust that, somewhere deep inside my mind, it does make some kind of sense, and eventually helps me in ways that I might not recognize right away.

Regardless, I’m glad that I have these pathways to the past and - maybe - the future. And if they allow me to still see my dad from time to time, I’m happy.

(Okay, Galahad fans, it’s your turn to sound off. How often do your dreams make sense to you? Do you agree with Triana, that maybe your brain is using your dreams as its own way of journaling? What have you learned from your dreams? As always, this is your chance to share your thoughts and feelings. And thank you so much for supporting the Galahad series!)